I can’t believe how drunk I got last night. :/ Why the hell did I do that. I was absolutely redic. Plus today I feel like shit. But I had fun last night. I need to make sure I eat before I drink and also not drink as fast. You would think I would know those basic things. I do but I was not thinking at all. Well I have issues. lol Plus people told me I did things that I do not remember. lmfao I think its funny. I didn’t do anything too bad. I was just extremely obnoxious and hilarious. On another note I love my new computer!!! :) Its fucking awesome!
Well first I should tell you that I am sitting in my apartment in the dark typing this as I am listening to my sad play-list. So anyways I have not been really feeling like myself lately. It kind of scares me a little. I just drove around for half an hour not going anywhere just driving, in complete silence. I started to cry. I do not know why. Then my whole body went numb and I almost threw up. I really hate when I do this to myself. I have been in this mood where I just want to be by myself and watch my shows or do absolutely nothing. Except for tonight when I kind of wanted to hang out with someone or at least not be alone. But everyone was busy. Okay thanks guys that makes me want to hang out with people. I wish life was easier.
I do not know what to think. I am confused and I am pretty sure you are too. I wish things where black and white. No gray areas. The things I want are so simple but so hard to get. I just want you. All of you. But I guess thats too much to ask for. I am really numb right now. Awesome. I am so happy you can make me feel this way…
I hate feeling like this. I am so scared. I would never wish this upon anyone. It feels like your heart is being ripped out and stomped on. I just do not know what to say. I want to tell you more, but I do not want to feel stupid. Idk. Why does this shit always happen to me? Why can something good happen for once?
I know perfectly well why. I hate it. God my life is so fucked. Why does life have to be so complicated? It should be a little bit easier than it is right now. Then again maybe I am making it harder than it is. I could just be done, but I can’t. I wish I could that would make my life easier. I am tired of my life doing the same things. I feel as if it is on a loop. If it is then I know what will happen. Which wouldn’t surprise me, since it has happened twice before. How many times will it take for people to realize something. I should take my own advice before I give some out though. But that is easier said than done. This really sucks. I cannot wait untill things are not this complicated. I don’t know what that means. Well I guess we will find out. I do not like waiting. I am definitely not waiting forever!!!