a journey into my mind

I can’t believe how drunk I got last night. :/ Why the hell did I do that. I was absolutely redic. Plus today I feel like shit. But I had fun last night. I need to make sure I eat before I drink and also not drink as fast. You would think I would know those basic things. I do but I was not thinking at all. Well I have issues. lol Plus people told me I did things that I do not remember. lmfao I think its funny. I didn’t do anything too bad. I was just extremely obnoxious and hilarious. On another note I love my new computer!!! :) Its fucking awesome! 

Sometimes there are things that run through my head that I cannot even put on tumblr. I wish I could, but I just can’t. I have felt so alone recently. I have hung out with friends, but it does not help. Maybe one day I will not feel like this anymore. 

Well first I should tell you that I am sitting in my apartment in the dark typing this as I am listening to my sad play-list. So anyways I have not been really feeling like myself lately. It kind of scares me a little. I just drove around for half an hour not going anywhere just driving, in complete silence. I started to cry. I do not know why. Then my whole body went numb and I almost threw up. I really hate when I do this to myself. I have been in this mood where I just want to be by myself and watch my shows or do absolutely nothing. Except for tonight when I kind of wanted to hang out with someone or at least not be alone. But everyone was busy. Okay thanks guys that makes me want to hang out with people. I wish life was easier. 

I do not know what to think. I am confused and I am pretty sure you are too. I wish things where black and white. No gray areas. The things I want are so simple but so hard to get. I just want you. All of you. But I guess thats too much to ask for. I am really numb right now. Awesome. I am so happy you can make me feel this way…    

I hate feeling like this. I am so scared. I would never wish this upon anyone. It feels like your heart is being ripped out and stomped on. I just do not know what to say. I want to tell you more, but I do not want to feel stupid. Idk. Why does this shit always happen to me? Why can something good happen for once? 

The song “With ears to see and eyes to hear” by Sleeping With Sirens is the anthem of my fucking life. I love this song, but it describes my life exactly. 

I am so confused. I just don’t know. :/

I know perfectly well why. I hate it. God my life is so fucked. Why does life have to be so complicated? It should be a little bit easier than it is right now. Then again maybe I am making it harder than it is. I could just be done, but I can’t. I wish I could that would make my life easier. I am tired of my life doing the same things. I feel as if it is on a loop. If it is then I know what will happen. Which wouldn’t surprise me, since it has happened twice before. How many times will it take for people to realize something. I should take my own advice before I give some out though. But that is easier said than done. This really sucks. I cannot wait untill things are not this complicated. I don’t know what that means. Well I guess we will find out. I do not like waiting. I am definitely not waiting forever!!! 

I don’t know what is wrong with me today. I feel kind of sad. Like lay in bed all day and watch sad movies and cry. It is such a weird feeling. I feel like if I cry I will feel better, but I know I will just feel worse. Why did I have to wake up like this? :/